Should you ditch online dating?
How do you feel about online dating?
Some of my clients use dating apps and sites with great success, having had the experience of meeting several good people and ultimately meeting their partner.
And… there are some people I advise to ditch online dating (for now, anyway).
Here’s how to know if you should ditch online dating.
· You find yourself regaling people with tales of the duds you’ve met on online OR retelling other people’s horror stories.
· You’ve had a bad experience or two with someone you met online and you haven’t recovered from it yet.
· You have virtually ZERO enthusiasm for online dating.
If you identify with any or all the points above, I suggest you give online dating a break for a while.
Why?
Any of the negative experiences above can impact and limit the potential you have to meet someone great online. (Yes, there are some great people online!)
A negative experience or story can sit in you in a way that blocks something positive from happening. For example, from the horror stories (your own or someone else’s) you could takeaway a story that there is no-one good online and everyone is dishonest. Holding this story as a “truth” can make you hypervigilant in a way that is confusing or off-putting for genuine people looking for a partner.
If you’ve had a bad experience and have not recovered from it yet, it can also be a barrier to having a good experience. For example, you met a guy online and he ghosted you when you felt like it was going somewhere and so you now resent or mistrust men in general… so you’re not actually open to letting someone in.
If you have almost zero enthusiasm for dating, you don’t have to put yourself through it.
Do this test: think about the act of going online and swiping through profiles. What can you notice in your gut or your body? Do you feel a sludgy heaviness? Or a sizzle of excitement? Follow the lead of organising guru, Marie Kondo. If it doesn’t excite you - even just a bit (if it does not “spark joy”) – ditch online dating for a while.
Maybe you’re just someone who is vastly more comfortable with the idea of meeting someone organically, in real life. If this is the case, lean into that and get creative and invested in living a fun and passion-inspired life. Think about what passions you haven’t indulged yet or for a while that will expose you to meeting new people. You just never know when you will meet someone special when you are out and about doing something you love. I’d even go so far as to say that when you’re doing things you love, you’re more likely to meet someone great because you’re feeling good and vibing high.
